| questions |
[07 Oct 2006|09:24pm] |
it's been awhile since i've seen the ambition in my eyes but im going to cultivate it the best i can. you've got to love yourself to survive in this life. its hard cos i have no sense of ego whatsover. . i have no desire to prove myself to the world, i value my anonymity too much. i do not wish to be in the spotlight .. i just want to be the background, content & unextraordinary, learning from dirt & pain of the everyday and growing within myself. am i supposed to give that up in order to grow ? (is is admirable risk or self-exploitation?) i don't know ..
what to do when you only want to fade into the crowd, recognized by only a few. if this life needs me to reveal myself, to teach what i know (however small that may be & worthless in my eyes), then i will do it. am i afriad to shine? am i being selfish. . holding on to the strength within me? fuck, i don't know. i've always known i was a fool, the only thing i have to contribute is my humility.
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| slow understanding(s)? |
[01 Oct 2006|10:45pm] |
"ten percent luck, twenty percent skill
fifteen percent concentrated power of will
five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain
& eighty percent fear"
goals:
1) to be a good friend
2) to be a good student
3) to be a good athlete
that's all :).
love's always left best unsearched for :).
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[05 Aug 2006|11:25pm] |
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love movements (11:24:58 PM): intriguing indeed *nerdy hand scratching chin* oh & *puts on thick rimmed black glasses* oh and can't forget the 'stache
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[22 Jul 2006|02:43am] |
im feeling sweet, feeling london.
i love reinvention & self-discovery. always
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| luckiest girl in the world |
[21 Jul 2006|05:36pm] |
everything that i want is right here. i keep learning and growing and regressing and maturing but i have a lot of hope for the future. i have a clear, distinct goal in life, i have direction and stability. i used to want to know everybody, to get acquainted with every delicate, intricate quirk and characteristic of each personality, something i've always been mesmerized by, but i have everything i ever needed right here, right next to me, in the form of my wing girls. i have to work harder in every possible way, heart+mind+body. i am already learning to reconcile contentment and desire, there is so much else unfinished. i am going to make this work for me, i am going to learn how to live no matter what the circumstances.
i am grateful for (things nearest&dearest to me):
1. my country & alabama :)
2. my heart (sometimes)
3. margo & zita
4. cute boys w/ southern accents
5. cute boys!
6. anna banana from venus, tx
7. flirting!
8. food
9. music & movement
10. youth
:) love ya
ps. i know like 50% of that list has to do with the south but that's cos it rocks. hollaa :)
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[12 Jun 2006|01:23am] |
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i think we should all do the things that make us happy, if acting like a complete idiot and being assertive is part of that package, then whatever, i'll do it :). life's too short to take it seriously anyway. if the thing with mitch doesn't work out then at least i can be comfortable knowing i opened up the potential for a situation and/or relationship that would otherwise never have occurred :). i like creating, i really do. pssh, it's the 21st century, chilvary's been unofficially dead for decades - i'm not gonna be shy about my needs anymore :). everything else in my life's a mess but all i can think of is damn, what a waste of sex appeal. damn boy .. why you gotta be like that? yea im so ghetto it's unbelievable .. r e p r e s e n t ! :D
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[26 May 2006|01:57am] |
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i love kate beckinsale! i think she is really really sexy
oh yah, she can soo kick angelina's butt ;p
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[23 May 2006|12:23am] |
i spilled bleach all over my lovely pink tote and now it has a big white bulge in the middle. grr. not to mention my whole room smells disinfectant-y. double grr
in other news,
im staying with my wing girl <3 this summer, i absolutely can not wait! i miss her and love her and can't wait until we get together and play the field again . we got each other's back and that's never going to change . i am so full of life and love (still!) that it's killing me not to live, to really live. i am bursting with stories to tell and jokes to share over screwdrivers and kahlua :). go ahead, take a punch at my stupid idealistic head :) august, i'm visiting my hot cheerleader friend becky cooper, who got into harvard class of 2010, baby!! boys, feel free to ask me to hook you up with her, hehe.
( :) for anyone who wants to read )
ps. xmen 3 hitting the box office this fri - be there for be square ! ;P
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[17 May 2006|02:59am] |
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anyone have a clue whats going on in their lives? cos i sure as hell dont. hmm. guess that's not a good thing
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| babbling |
[05 May 2006|07:12pm] |
i grew! i grew! i feel so excited i'm talkin in a southernn accent. don't mess with texas baby cuz that's where this toddler spent a precious 2 yrs roamin 'round houston! love georgy, love republicans, love politicians! :)
ahem. anyway
i absolutely love feeling divinely gorgeous! i love working those yellow heels and bouncing around all happy-like, like a white, gorgeous daisy. those citylights seem closer and more tangible then ever. i can't wait to strut my hot ass down that silver catwalk, slapping my ass and blowin kisses to the crowd, just like it should be. sizzle sizzle ;)
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| update! |
[17 Dec 2005|06:41pm] |
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so for the past few months i've been vacillating between surrendering myself to yuppiehood FOREVER to relaxing and living up the 20s freeloading nyc, waitressing and sharing an apartment with financially challenged but big hearted loveable ppl = a lot of frustration, crying and laughing over the phone with margo posing the question: yuppiehood vs comfort? it's the american dream isn't it, working hard, working away your life so you can achieve success wrapped in a white designer sweater at some country club playing tennis/golf. . and yet i know i want the city, have wanted it for all these years, everytime i hear those dumb (damn?) urbanites exclaim "it's the greatest city in the world!" i can't imagine waiting 6 more years to come back to it, maybe even more. i miss its jazz, i miss broadway, times square, the chili+coffee shop in the corner of our apartment. all these possibilities making me drunk, all these little deaths inside of me. i want it all, yes, i want it all, happiness and comfort forever and that doesn't come without a sacrifice.
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[19 Sep 2005|09:15pm] |
kiki's new movie elizabethtown comes out soon!!! everyone go see it !
why? cuz she's the best of hollywood. period
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[15 Sep 2005|09:43pm] |
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2 years of boredom in bio and chem confusion to realize .. it's physics that ignites my fireeee
pretty awesome, actually.
who knew?
my best friend likes chem, she's so weird
inconsistency593 (9:56:26 PM): and the other day i accidentally released poisonous gases into the classroom
haha ♥
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[11 Sep 2005|04:08pm] |
happy birthday margo ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
i love you xoxoxoxoxoxo ! <33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333
xo i'm going to cry. i am so lucky , i really am.
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| back |
[20 Aug 2005|08:06pm] |
bermuda was cute. hooked up with the hottest girls from nyc - brit, brianna, & chelsea - and cruised guys for a few days. mile high style but over water. ultra conservative cruise but we managed to skirt the system - 4 hot girls, it's a playground for red blooded college men everywhere, duh!. how? ivan. one smooth bartender who spiked our drinks "yea give us virgin strawberry daiquiris but add some rum .. a LOT of rum," haha. chacha'd, grinded, and slinked our way on the dance floor all morning long , rum swizzles, sunbathing, and poolside olympics during the day. our team (pina coladas) championed 'survivor island style' of course/ "we always win." anndd, i won taboo with the help of fonzi, aaayy. pina coladaass bring all the boys to the yard, what! ate my way through about four continents and damn happy about it, heh.
met this incredibly cute waiter with a striking resemblance to cillian murphy, anna. ! beautiful brown eyes framed by long lashes + those to die for pillow lips & high cheekbones. i would have taken a picture but i was too scared to approach him, he looked like a conceited wanker. pssh. ♥
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| america the beautiful |
[11 Aug 2005|11:57am] |
xo peter jennings , thank you for bringing america news . for over four decades, thank you ♥. we didn't share many things in common but for our love for america, this great country, this culture, these people. and perhaps an even greater enamoration with the idea of america - foolishness, what can you expect from silly people like us? i hope there is a fucking heaven, too. i could never get over deaths if there wasn't. < /3
< /3
ps. first david bloom, then tom brokaw, now peter jennings. these are then anchors i grew up with, the men who brought the whole nation news of iraq & the presidential elections & everything in between. (at least for the people who don't have cable haha ♥) . it feels like a renaissance/new generation.
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| portent? |
[30 Jul 2005|07:58pm] |
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today, a boy of no more than 7 or 8 walked in and ordered a classic chicken combo with more capability and decisiveness than i would expect from a 30 year old man. he solemnly punctuated each of the cashier's questions with a polite "no thank you" and "yes please thank you." although his requests and declinations were brief, they conveyed a wordly mien and blue-eyed sobriety, aplomb far beyond his years. i couldn't help but turn to his father who was standing patiently behind his tiny child and remark, "your son is very, very precocious. he's very polite and mature." he looked at me with a curious expression on his face, and replied after a few seconds, "you know, it's strange that you mention it. someone just told me the exact same thing today." the boy paid no attention to my compliment, and walked away to get a straw for his drink. i had an almost unsettling feeling in the bottom of my stomach that i have just witnessed ? a boy with the potential to be a legend . and throughout the day my thoughts kept flitting back to the man and his son with the most peculiar sense of awe, gratitude, and almost a little bit of fear.
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metropolitic's journal
